Friday, July 7, 2023

radical agnosticism

one one level i am forced to agree...looking towards the past for configurations ( or what to do next ) is inherently foolish and will leave considerable lattitude for repeated mistakes and recidivist behaviors...the issue is, since this is nothing if not a pastoral message, that the "church hierarchy" is trying to control my present by placing my future in some fundamentally unproven haven of eternal bliss...i think you are manipulative here and really haven't any better idea of what might occur at or after death than i do...you simply believe you do ( or want me to believe )...to borow one from old fred nietzsche,"a casual stroll theough the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything."...i don't believe you know...i believe you are delusional in your hope...or you are cynically manipulative...either way i will remain agnostic...you will not see me in church sunday...or any other day for that matter.

Saturday, June 3, 2023

wine

this is from five years ago and it still confounds me whenever i run across it in an old file...$79300 for a double magnum...three liters...$26433.33 a liter...$26.43 a milliliter...has someone opened this and had a taste...or is it an investment? seems more likely the price was the result of a bidding war between wine snobs with too much money for their own ( or that of anyone else ) good...what would you do with a now twenty-two year old bottle of wine that couldn't possibly be worth the amount that was paid for it? the end purpose of a bottle of wine is to be imbibed and i have to wonder what occasion would merit $1321.50 a sip ( i measured out a comfortble mouthful of water and it came to fifty milliliters...so that is how i calculated the cost of a sip )...the disjunction between the cost and the reality of use is nearly complete here...the real can die in a multitude of ways...tulipmania for isntance...there are bubbles of all sorts from spices to housing to, seemingly, wine...reality has slipped a pulley here.

Thursday, September 3, 2020

rehab

thirty four years ago today i checked myself into rehab...a confirmed alcoholic at thirty-two it was what needed to be be done...mostly because i was trying to cut back and was having seizures so needed a medically supervised detox...and that was something rehab provided that was effective...thirty four years provides something of a longer view and the view informs me that after the detox rehab was pretty much a dead end...the "help" the therapists provided was mostly suggestions from a book they read along the way somewhere...trite stuff about altering routines and assessing triggers...a recipe for failure that would keep you coming back...dependent...even worse was the mandatory aa meetings we attended..."admit you are powerless against alcohol" and you're screwed from the get go and holding onto the organization for a trace of sobriety...dependent...dependency was what i was trying to end and none of this was going to help much...and yet i have been sober since 3 september 1986...it wasn't easy...it got easier...and it wasn't all that complex either...the largest and most difficult step was assuming responsibility for what and who i was...my problem was not my wife or my children or my job or my boss or my parents or my siblings or who was president...my problem was me...i was the root cause of my drinking and if it was going to stop i had to be the one to do it...not the therapists...not aa...and not an on line forum ( not to discredit the que or the people i met there...or the hard work they did to overcome their issues...or the caring they gave on another...it was a special place...but i had been sober twenty five years when i found it...thinking there were not many on line forums in 1986 )...and how did that come about? probably perseverance and a good deal of luck...i went to group therapy for nine months...because it is what they told me i needed to do...they were mistaken...what i needed to do was to redirect the still extant addictive personality i possessed ( and still possess...there is room for ambiguity in my life but i hate being conflicted and i do very little moderately ) to somewhat less self-destructive pursuits...among other things i went back to school and, perversely, came to gardening ( relatively non self-destructive ) through a class in physical anthropology...and what i turned that addictive personality loose on was my addiction to alcohol...twisting the single-minded activity of acquisition and use around and becoming relentlessly sober...it wasn't easy...there were white knuckle moments...i dreamed vivid technicolor dreams about drinking every night...right down to the small print on the vodka label..."come on" my addiction was saying..."just a half-pint...given the amount you were drinking no one would notice"...well...working on me at my most vulnerable...i would wake up swearing i wouldn't drink today ( something i have not done in decades...i know i won't drink today...i have no time for it and i am keenly aware that it wouldn't improve any situation i might face...infinite bad judgement in a bottle )...when those dreams stopped ( and it went on for two years ) i was deeply relieved and i knew i was in much firmer control of things ( incidentally i haven't has a technicolor dream in decades...my subconscious is still pissed off at me )...from then on sobriety became just as much a habit as drinking had been...sobriety as a mental shortcut...thoughtless...assumed...unconscious...i said it gets easier...those of you with years of sobriety probably find this all to be coals to newcastle...obvious...a no brainer...i seriously doubt i have recounted anything unique or revolutionary in the methodology of overcoming an addiction...for anyone still struggling, hang tough...no it is not easy...coming out the other side is worth all the effort it takes however...keep quitting.

Friday, August 7, 2020

Saturday, June 23, 2018

the church as the nexus of the material and false spirituality

church (chûrch)► n. A building for public, especially Christian worship. n. The company of all Christians regarded as a spiritual body. n. A specified Christian denomination: the Presbyterian Church.____________________________________________________ we will be concerned here with the first definition...why a building? and why specifically christian? because it's not about spirituality...it's about the material...about behavioral control...it's about money...you don't need a building to be spiritual...you can go out and look at the stars at night or watch plants grow to know you are living in cycles within cycles and realize that you are not the final end the universe had in mind...just a part of it...that's not what a building is for...it is actually an impediment...no...you need a building to bring people together in a group and establish a group mentality...one less open to independent, critical thought and more subject to group assessment and approval/disapproval..."are you one of us...or are you 'the other' "...the other is damned...institutional architecture is purposefully designed to diminish the individual...public buildings are large to instill what geert mak calls "antness"...a diminusion of self...some cathedrals would fill the same purpose...however small churches and even chapels are designed to negate the self by invoking the eternal in the face of simple human transience and ultimate oblivion...and that fear of self oblivion is the key to religion's behavioral control...alone, individuals might begin to question the veracity of the clergy...stray into heterodox thought, the bane of true faith..so the "individual" needs to be controlled...watched for signs of inattention or heresy "...and the seating is so arranged that the males are in front of the house father, and the house mother acts as a rear guard for the females. this ensures that everyone's conduct in public is watched by those who are responsible for his discipline at home. here too they take great care to see that a young person always sits next to an older one; for if children are left to themselves they're apt to waste their time in church playing childish games, when they, above all, ought to be developing a sense of religious awe, the strongest, if not the only, incentive to good behavior"...that is the ur-maoist sir thomas more ( a saint no less ) embraced by teleological authoritarians, religious or secular ( hitler was an austrian choir boy who "drank in the awesome solemnity of the catholic ritual" and sought to emulate them in the rites of the nazi party...stalin was a seminarian...there is a critical thread that links theology and authority ), to this day...so, in these terms, the material becomes a necessary part of the "spiritual" because there has to be containment, group think, peer judgement, and a loss of self for those commandments ( authority again ) to take hold and for us poor miserable sinners to toe the line and support the church...whether that be a poor parish priest or a jet owning televangelist...the church is a way to earn a living..and like all ways there can be big money in it if you have an entrepreneurial bent and the will to diminish individual thought...hurry...someone will snap this property right up.

Monday, April 23, 2018

apocalyptic failure

david meade...bible scholar...ranting evangelical...failed numerologist...
there are quite a few cars at urgent care on central...but not because of nibiru...
there is considerable damage at the strip mall...but it was a fire a few weeks ago...not nibiru ( and in an inversion of the "end of the world" scenario as well as a sort of a lake station miracle, the bar at the end survived unscathed )
and there's a lot of traffic on willowcreek...but not because of a nibiru based evacuation...it's just another busy evening with everyone headed home...the world will end at some point..it is true..but not the way these doomsday twerps think...or the way you or i think either probably...the variables are unknowable...accept your limited human cognition and denounce bogus manipulators...we have enough to worry about without some attention whore tugging on our coat sleeves...fuck these people.

Saturday, September 23, 2017

calling planet nibiru...

the dense yellow # 2 is still ripening in the quasi rural fields here in the nexus...
and my nascent winter rye is still standing as tall as it can...
the parking lot at the local supermarket is full...at least half way...
the macdonald's out on route six seems to be doing a robust business...nothing extraordinary on a saturday moring...
admittedly it is a bit on the warm side for the second day of autumn...
and there is an azure sky redolent of deepest summer..and there is part of the problem...the anti-life nihilist fundamentalist evangelical in me is crying out at the failure of planet nibiru to materialize and obliterate the fucking godawful terrible sinful hedonistic human race ( that this would have obliterated every trump supporter is the only real shortcoming i can see in its non-materialization )
oddly the only empty parking lots i saw were at churches...have the faithful already been raptured up and i missed it? or have the faithful seen through the lame numerological con game that is an evangelical side line? remember harold camping and his confused babbling from 2011? david meade can join him in the pantheon of failed prognosticators who fade into oblivion muttering to themselves about what could have gone wrong and god's treachery...personally i am going to have some lunch.