where am i ?

It’s weird to be standing in the house you’ve lived in for twenty-five years and be able to look through the bathroom from the bedroom and see the kitchen…that’s what a gutted house will do for you…distort your perceptions…the geography isn’t the same…and won’t be again…what was, isn’t and it’s not coming back…well…that is the way of things…and it’s not a great loss either…it was a form of stasis and that probably isn’t the best way to live, humans being creatures of habit non-withstanding…so it’s a step towards a new form of reality…a genuine deconstruction…not some post-modernist claptrap…more like some good old g.e.moore “get a grip on all this dualist bullshit, it’s change that I can see”…derrida and his overblown imagination can go fuck off…but i am digressing ( digression is the structure of human thought )…still…seeing a set of familiar visuals so radically changed can be a bit disorienting and lead one to ponder the transitory nature of anthropogenic structures and artifacts…there is no permanence here…or anywhere for that matter…life is short and the rest is unseen…what’s in store for tomorrow? more of the same? where’s my copy of principia ethica ?

do i own the cat?

daisy the cat has been retrieved and installed…and she is not a happy cat…this will be much more comfortable for a ten year old cat than spending the winter outside…but she is not convinced…like the rest of us she senses that this is not home…it is a foreign place and they do things differently here…how this particular facet of this adventure pans out is as uncertain as any other…we have had cats disappear before and that could happen again…or as the winter sets in she may find a place to set up shop and stay warm…it won’t be the basement she has used over the last decade or so but it may do for the nonce…one would hope she’d find a more inviting place than wedging herself between an outside wall and a couch while complaining vociferously…these are peculiar circumstances…it is a domicile of our own but we actually possess almost nothing beyond two beds and some clothing…right now even the bath towels are a rental…and in a culture where possession and ownership are first principles ( watch some television sometime and then dispute that with me…i’ll hand you your head in that debate ) it is a strange place to be…unnerved and liberated at the same time…I don’t own this stuff so I don’t have to worry about it…a taste of what wealth might be like except i don’t have to worry about someone taking my wealth…any wealth i hold is pretty much intangible and that is the liberating part…i foresee an austere sort of life in the future…the material past has been put into the dumpster…a desk…a chair… a lamp…a bed…a few books…and a backyard to garden in…i begin to see a less worrisome retirement than i had imagined. since this was written last night the cat has moved out from behind the couch to explore and claim territory…a bit of a return to normality…but then she let me pet her…obviously still a disturbed feline

furniture

i am still an internet nomad so this is just a fast post to say that the furniture that is " a step up from model home decor " has arrived and it is institutional late twentieth century motel kitsch if i ever saw any...blond formica veneer and tacky lamps...the couch is bearable but the chair is as loud as they come...some say they are leaves others shell macaroni...either way it's a fine thing that these are temporary...i'd hate to live in state farm's world full time.

weird flashbacks

my new livingroom has wood flooring...my new front door has a view vaguely reminiscent of some san francisco slum...my new basement steps are steep and dangerous ( and i have no idea how they will get a washer and dryer down there )...my new backyard is big but doesn't have any teosinte growing ( yet ) and the bus barn is right over the back fence...i was supposed to get the "furniture" the insurance company is supposed to provide today,,,but the woman called and said when she made out the order she got the right street address but filled in the wrong city and ( this is the kicker ) state...one has to wonder if there is such an address in wherever the hell she sent our free stuff ( and if there is what did the people living there think? ) or is there some forlorn delivery crew vainly pouring over maps, consulting gps, and scanning the horizon in search of it with a truckload of goodies? i picked up a check for a whopping $2000 advance yesterday ( taking unscheduled time off from work to do so ) and stopped off to put it in the bank thinking it would be available today only to find the bank put a hold on it until it could be verified...still hasn't cleared...i love a bureaucracy that says it's there for me and then does what it can to not help...i paid premiums for twenty-five years for this? appalled doesn't cover it...perhaps i'll be in a better mood tomorrow about all of this...but i wouldn't hold my breath if i were you