12-25-2010

okay...what was a rumination on the transitory nature of life turned into a self-absorbed pity party...i realized that almost as soon as i posted it and came back to delete it ( once again forgetting has not ended) and damned if someone hadn't read it already and so i feel obligated to own up to writing it...much of my adult life has been a search for some sort of permanence to anchor my addictive self to and offset the extremes i can go to...what passes for permanent isn't...always slips away...transitory...like happiness...so...no more whining about it...none of this will last...none of us lasts...i have known this since i was ten and life insists on reminding me...THAT is what wearies me so...beckett was correct...i can't go on, i'll go on.

memory

little by little bits and pieces of what my friend left behind her are disappearing from the cyberworld...the end of forgetting that the n y times hyped not that long ago is fallacious...i am not surprised...nothing anthropogenic is any more eternal than we are...it is still a depressing thought to carry into the bullshit of the holiday season...i feel a deep pariah streak coming on...fuck all this